Journal Entry 17

This ride through the desert is a nightmare.  I got my last memory back.  The memory I hadn’t written down.  The last missing memory.  The day the charm shop burned to the ground.  The day I didn’t want to save Avery.

First.  The order of things:

1. Jacob found me the night I lost Heather.  He offered to find Avery.
2. Jackson died in prison.  Jacob took me to Jenna.
3. Drove out to the desert and failed to summon a Jinni.
4. Lost my memory for the first time.
5. Went back to the charm shop by myself desperate to retrace my steps to Avery.  For some reason Jenna attacked me.  Joe the Barber saved my life.
6. Lost my memory again.
7. Went back to the charm shop with my sister (last missing memory).  If it hadn’t been for her I would’ve never have gone.
8. Lost my memory for a third time.  Turns out I kicked Jacob in the balls and killed an angel.
9. Jacob caught up with me, removed my Watcher, and helped me get all of these memories back by showing me the angel at the lotto station.
10. I hid in a motel waiting for my last memory with this hidden coordinates while Jacob got the necessary ingredients to redo the spell.
11. Joe the Barber tried to kill me.  Jacob rescued me.
12. Now, we are on the run.  Trying to get to 33.11685,-114.292145.

I had woken up the day after Joe’s men shot up the charm shop with no memory of the previous day, no memory of Jacob, no memory of going to the desert to find Avery.  I found my journal under my pillow like I did (and will) the next morning.  I read it.  There was a new entry that I didn’t remember writing.  Journal entry 10.  I didn’t believe it.  I’ve been writing in this journal since I found it, but have no memory of any of the entries that involved angels or Morning Stars.  It was all too convenient.  I didn’t believe it.

“I have to find Avery!  I have to remember what happened!” I violently pulled myself out the torment.  I vomited out the Jacob’s car window as he raced down the highway. 

I remembered everything that has happened to me before and after that missing memory, but the person living the memory didn’t.  It was me, but a past me.  He wouldn’t go after Avery.  The journal was too unbelievable to him.  His car was in his garage, there was no black guy at his door.  He couldn’t hear the real me begging for me to find Avery.  His knee ached a little, but he had to think logically.  It was his imagination.  He read the journal again.  My heart sank.  The first time it took me days to decide to find the charm shop.  The second (third) time Jacob chased me out of my house.  This time, this me decided to call my sister.  She came right over.

“Go to the first shop!” I shouted at myself, while I waited for my sister. 

“You’re making it worse,” I heard, but it wasn’t my voice.  It was Jacob’s.  “Just relax and let it happen.  Like you’re watching movie.  We’ll find Avery before you know it.”

I relaxed and slipped back into my memory.  I made a chi tea latte, Heather’s favorite, while I waited for my sister.  I just wanted to feel normal.  I convinced myself that my knee felt fine while I sipped my wife’s favorite drink.

When my sister arrived, I showed her the journal.  I lied about the middle entries.  I told her that I found the journal exactly as is.  I didn’t want to confuse things.

“Let’s just drive by the shop.  Maybe what we need is a dose of reality.” 

“I should be committed.  This is my handwriting, which means I wrote this and have no memory of doing it.  You want to take me to the scene of the crime.  I’ll probably lapse into some sort of episode and kill us both.”

“I know you.  Whatever this is, a shrink will just make you go farther into your hole.  You hate them.”

“I’m taking myself in”

“No, you called me because you’re afraid this all might be true.  Well, it’s not.  You’ve been through a lot.  There isn’t some mystical reason.  There are assholes in this world that kill people because they like it.  We lost two good people-”

“One.”

“Yes, Avery is still out there.  The FBI won’t stop until they find her.  We’re not going to the shop to find Avery.  We’re going to keep you sane.”

My sister was smart, collected, and practical.  I had always relied on her to keep me grounded even before this tragedy.  We got in her car and drove to the shop in my journal. 

We went to Beautiful Charms.  Nothing.  No bullets, no broken glass, no damage of any kind.  I wasn’t surprised, but I needed more. 

My sister moved to open her car door, but I grabbed her hand.  “Wait.  Who wrote this journal, if not me?  It’s my handwriting.”

“This shop is actually here in one piece.  We should go inside.”

“Aren’t you scared that we’re going to be attacked by a teen gymnast and then shot up by gangbangers.”

My sister laughed.  “Maybe we should run back to your house and search your pots for that gun.”

I became stern.

“Journal entry 6.  You put the gun in one of your pots.  You think you would of read your own journal.”

“This notebook is in my handwriting.  If we go in there and none of this is true, then… then I’m crazy.  I must of wrote this last night and I’ve got some kind of crazy split personality disorder.”

“Or someone is playing a cruel trick on you.”  She thumbed through the journal.  “We’re going in there and seeing if this shop is as described.  If it is, we’re taking this to the police.”  My sister put the journal in the glove box.  “This is our evidence if someone kills us in there.  Or if you kill us for that matter”

“I called you so that you can keep me sane.  I just lost my wife and the guy who murdered her hid my daughter and committed suicide.  Avery’s probably dead.”

“She’s alive until some tells you she’s dead.”

“You’re supposed to keep me sane.”

“Let’s find out if you are.”  My sister got out of the car.  “You coming?”

I followed her into the charm shop.  It was exactly as I described it in the journal.  My sister walked up to the rack of snap bracelets and turned back to me bugged eyed.  I looked to the counter.  It was male teen.  I breathed a sigh of relief, but it didn’t last.

My stomach dropped.  The teenager’s face was like stone.  He glared past us like we didn’t exit.  I grabbed my sister’s hand. 

“We need to leave,” I whispered.

“I can’t,” she said. 

The teen tilted his head slightly for a moment.  It shook violently and in an instant he was right in front of us.  We couldn’t flinch.  We were petrified.

The teenager was an angel.  I knew it then as I know it now, but I don’t know how.  It wasn’t invisible like before (or will be).  There was no denying what it was or is.  In a flash, I gained my memory of Jacob.  The first time we met, the first time I went to the charm shop, the first time I saw an angel in the desert.  I remembered that I needed to find Jacob to save Avery.

“Do you not fear God?” the angel hissed.  “Even those that follow the fallen fear him.”  The angel smiled a set of jagged teeth from behind its teenage lips.

Another voice came from behind us. “Ireul?”

“Go forth messenger.  Seraphim is needed,” the angel commanded the voice.

“What drives you human?”  The angel stared right into my eyes, giving only inches between our faces.  “Fear should.  Your race has spent centuries trying to drive it from your souls as though it’s a curse.  You have bastardized love for this.  Those of you that use your creator’s love to conquer your fear of him shall burn in hell.

Life came back to my limbs.  Love, I thought.  Avery, I thought.  I cared little of God and this angel.  Avery was what I wanted.

I punch the angel right in the jaw.  It was like punching a metal tree.  The angel picked me up by the front of my shirt with one hand and slammed me into the floor.  “How is it that you keep on finding your way back here?” 

My sister suddenly came to life.  She took a step forward.  The angel let me go and spread its wings.  “My powers are gone!” it announced.  Then, another set of wings covered its face and another set covered its feet.  It lunched through the ceiling and flew away. 

My sister covered her head and ran over to me.  “What happened?”

“That angel was going to kill me.”

“What angel?”

“Did you not see that teenager behind the counter?”

My sister shook her head.  “We need to get out of here before this whole building collapses.”

I took off running to the back room.  I remembered going in there to meet Jenna.  I had to see if she was there.  I had to see if I could get another chance to find Avery.  I ran through the beaded curtain.  The room was empty.  Just white painted walls.

“Andrew, get out here,” my sister cried.

I ran back out to find the building was on fire.  It spread quickly.  We ran through the front door where we were met by a bright light. 

…

The memory was over.  I immediately asked Jacob questions, “Is my sister okay?”

“You and your sister were put back into your homes after your memories were erased.  It’s their standard protocol.”

“How did my notebook get back under my pillow?  Where did my car go?”

Jacob didn’t answer.  He slowed the car as we passed by a ton of flashing lights.  “Cops been searching day and night.  They got no idea what their looking for.  All I know is that they found Jackson in this area.”

“Can’t you use your contacts in the police station to let them know where Avery is.”

Jacob continued to drive.  “That’s the plan.  We summon a jinni.  Find out where she is.  And then get the flatfoots to take her out.”

Journal Entry 16

We’re driving to 33.11685,-114.292145 tonight.  Jacob says that no place is safe anymore.  The summons means that his higher ups have decided to put him on trial.  Since he shot the messenger, the Morning Stars will be coming after him with all they’ve got.

While I was at home, probably for the last time, I remembered more.  A new memory flew into my brain.  I was sitting on my couch with a bag of ice on my knee.  I had Jacob’s gun on the couch next to me.  Joe the Barber had just dropped me off after he had demolished Jenna’s place.

Suddenly, what seemed like twenty people with strobe lights surrounded my house.  My heart raced.  I grabbed my gun and hobbled towards a window.  I peeked out and saw nothing.  The lights were gone. 

A shadow reflected off the window.  Some kind of creature was directly behind me.  I could see it through my reflection.  I couldn’t quite make it out, but it was tall and had wings.  Without turning around or making any sudden movement, I blindly unloaded Jacob’s gun behind me.  The gun ran out of ammo.  I flipped around and face the creature.  It was a huge angel, laid out on the floor with what seemed like three sets of wings mangled in every direction. 

The lights outside started up again.  I ran to my car in the garage.  I started it and put it in reverse before opening the garage door.  As I pulled out, lights came down from the sky in every direction.  I made it out into the street, slammed the car into drive, and jammed the brakes.  Next to me was Joe the Barber’s car.  It was empty.

I came back to my senses and hit the gas, but my car didn’t move.  The back end lifted up and the door of my car ripped open.  A light poured in.  I threw the empty gun at it.  That’s where the memory ended.

Journal Entry 15

Jacob finally stopped berating me and told me to finish writing before I got the rest of my memory back.  He says it’ll be less confusing this way.  We are racing to my house to get the coordinates.  His gang is close on our tail.  I don’t know what would be worse getting caught by an angel or Jacob’s old gang.  Certainly, Jacob isn’t afraid of the police, given the way he’s driving.  All he cares about is finding Avery and that’s fine with me.

“We’ll be there in five.  Wrap it up, Drew,” Jacob warned.

Jacob had hid me in a hotel while he ran and got the ingredients for the second jinni summoning.  Since I had no Watcher, angels would be hard pressed to find me.  As long as I stayed away from the Morning Stars and got the GPS coordinates from my memory back, we’d be fine.  That was until Joe the Barber showed up at the hotel before Jacob did.  I only remembered him from reading journal entry 10.  I have no actual memory of meeting him when he knocked at the door. 

I checked the peephole.  The Barber called through the hotel door, “Hey, Andrew.  It’s Joe.  I rescued you from the charm shop.  We need to talk.”

Jacob had warned me not let anyone in.  I flipped open my journal.  I knew that I had written about him when I had gone back to the charm shop the second time.  I skimmed through it and found, “he’s setting me up.”  I had no feeling about him one way or the other, but my own handwriting told me not trust him and to trust Jacob.  Jacob had just said, “Remember, the Barber is after us,” when we had left his house.

“Where’s Jacob?”  I asked.  I didn’t want to let Joe know I was with Jacob.  “I only want to work with Jacob.”

“I told you Jacob is off your case.  I’ve been put in charge.”

“I don’t remember ever talking to you.  I want to talk to Jacob.”

“Frankly, Jacob’s MIA.  Let me in so we can talk.”

A sort of blindness came over me.  When I woke up, I had lived through every all of journal entry 10 again.  The entire day.  All the fear came back.  Joe the Barber was scary like Jacob, but the Barber didn’t seem to care if I lived or died. 

When I came to, I was lying on the bed.  Joe and his thugs were in the room.

“What happened?” Joe asked.

I saw that the door was busted open.  I didn’t say a word.

“Looks to me like you’re getting’ memories back.”  Joe flung my journal at me.  “Looks to me that someone is keepin’ a journal so that they don’t forget certain things.  Jacob’s crossed the line again, and I gotta clean it up.  Hmm.  Where’s Jacob?”

“I don’t-”

“Drop the act.” Joe sat down next to me on the bed.  He dangled Jacob’s gun above me.  “I gave this back to Jacob the other day after you killed that angel.  The only way you would’ve gotten this is if Jacob gave it back to you.  Now, where is he?”

…

He was right.  Jacob had removed my watcher and earlier that day he had taken me to see an angel, but I hadn’t killed it.  Jacob had made a call on his cell phone after reviving me on the street.  His conversation was bazaar.  “Preacher man.  No, no payment this month.  Got a favor instead.  Need you to call Barakiel and tell him there’s a problem with the machine.  …  I don’t know make something up.  I just want to get a peek at him.  I’ll be out of the way.  …  Don’t worry about it.   The less you know the better.  …  Make it forty-five.  …  So.  Alright, what’s the earliest?  I ain’t got that kind of time.”

Jacob threw his phone into a cup holder.  “We gotta make a stop at my place.  Got no ammo.  You lit up my last clip yesterday.  My crib will have some heat on it so you’ll have to stay low.”

Jacob drove  to Compton.  We pulled down a side street, he told me to get my head.  “This here’s our check point.  Can’t let these snitches know I’m bringing a cracker around.  All these chickenheads ‘ll ring the alarm.”

I moved the seat back and curled into a ball on the passenger side floor.  My heart raced as Jacob slowed.  I saw Jacob give someone a head nod.  Then, he pulled into a single car garage and closed the door.

“This is my place.  You’re safe here.  Scratch that.  If anyone sees you, we gotta bounce.”

 “Then, why take me here.  Can’t we get bullets anywhere?”

“If you got a gun license.  I don’t.  Do you?  Besides, We need real protection.”

Jacob tossed me a bullet.  “You didn’t think you were some kind of natural shot did ya?”

I examined the bullet.  It glistened… no, it danced.  Flames danced on the metal.  I closed my hand around it.  “I didn’t shoot your gun.”

“Shit, you got some holes in that brain.  Just chill here.  I’m gonna get some angel killers inside.  Be back in five.”

Jacob left me alone in the garage.  I wasn’t petrified.  Before I lost Heather and Avery, being alone was awkward.  I came from a big family.  Granted I’m mainly close to my sister, but I had two other siblings.  I was never alone as a child.  As I grew up, I never craved being alone.  I think that’s why Heather and I got along so well.  She liked having other people constantly around too.  Even if she was reading a book and or just not talking for hours.  It was always better to have someone else in the room.  The only time I was ever alone was when I commuted to and from work.  Now.  In Jacob’s garage.  I suddenly knew I didn’t like to being alone either.  I’ve felt so empty since I lost Heather and Avery.  I was alone no matter where I was.

A women’s voice could be heard just outside the garage.  “Jacob, quit stalling.  I know you saw me.  Get out here.  We need ta talk.”

“Chill Roe-Roe.”

“Don’t you Roe-Roe me.  You’ll call me the name my mama gave me just like everybody else.”

“You need to check you volume.”

“Why?  The Barber looking for ya?”

“What it to you?”

“I just want to get mine before you get yours.”

Someone banged onto the side of the garage.  It was obviously the girl.

Jacob’s voice came low and slow.  “Don’t forget who I am.  You go tell the Barber that I do my thing until I’m called by the counsel.  Not him, and especially not you, gonna come on down me for doin' my thing.  You tell the Barber that if I see him sniffing around my client, he’s a dead man.  Oh, and we’re through Rohanda.  When I get back, your shit better be gone.”

Jacob returned with the ammo.  “Ah, angel killers.  Ain’t nothin’ better than bullets made from angel swords.  Drew, the Barber is after us.  That boy means to stop you from finding your daughter.  I ain’t gonna let that happen.”

We drove to an unassuming white office building in Santa Ann.  It was nicer than the other buildings around it.  I could tell it was government-owned because of the California and American flags that were in front of it.  Unlike the other office buildings, the parking let was almost empty.  Although there was plenty of room, Jacob parked in the back. 

“Just like the government, closed by four.  We gonna roll up in here and check out this angel.  Don’t do anything.  I don’t feel like getting killed.  You just need you to get a glimpse and you’ll start getting your memory back.  Oh, and you gotta believe.”

“Where are we?”

“Lotto central, my friend.”

“We’re going to see an angel here?”

“Church is always the best place to find an angel?”

I didn’t bother asking the next logical question.  Jacob led me through an unlocked door and into a small room.  It was a lotto studio, where they filmed the live lotto drawings for the county. I remembered seeing it on TV.  The room wasn’t more than 12’ by 12’.  Jacob led me around the backdrop and up a ladder.  We looked over the stage from behind stage lights and were only about10 feet up. 

“If it goes down, it’s gonna go bad quick.  Just get low and hide.  You’re dead if Barakiel sees you without a Watcher.  Angels don’t like people who are free.”

“Barakiel?”

“The Angel of Fortune.  Runs the worship of greed.  The priest here is on my payroll.  He’s gonna call him in here.  You just keep watch.  Don’t make a sound.  And everything should go smooth.”

The door opened.  Jacob grabbed my arm and covered his mouth with a finger.

This man with large wire framed glasses scurried into the room.  He wore an ugly plaid shirt with kakis.  He talked as though someone was behind him. 

“Sorry to summon you here.  I know you’re busy.  I just don’t think it’s working right.”

The plaid-shirted guy paused as though he was listening for something.  I couldn’t see anyone else in the room.

“I didn’t think it was a big deal if we bumped up our meeting to today.  I just wanted…”

I turned to Jacob to ask him what was going on, but he covered my mouth.  He moved my ear close and whispered, “Believe.”

I looked back to the plaid guy having a conversation with himself.  I had no memory of any angels at this point.  Just my words written in the journal.  Did I believe my own writing?  Did I trust myself?  Is any of this real?  Explainable?

Suddenly, the worker was flown into the air and bounced against the wall like a ragdoll.  This angel appeared before me as though out of thin air.  Its back was towards me with its wings fully spread.  Blue sparks flicked from the tips of the wings.  I couldn’t see its face.

“You will explain yourself.  I run this machine.  It cannot break.  Why have you summoned me?”

“I told you.”

The angel widened its stance.  I immediately noticed its feet.  Rabbit feet.  Then, it started to laugh.

“A trap then.  Or one of your human jokes.  Not funny preacher.  You have worked for both sides long enough.  Your successor is ready to obey.”  The angel approached the worker.  I turned away and heard the screams that I expected. 

“Whatever your reasons, your trickery is no longer a concern,” the angel announced.

I kept my face hidden.  I started to shake.  Jacob put his hand on me.  “It’s okay.  Barakiel is gone.  Now, you will get your memories back.”

…

Joe the Barber loaded a bullet into the chamber of Jacob’s gun.  “Where’s Jacob?”  One of his thugs jumped on me.  He locked my arm.  The Barber pushed the barrel of the gun into the palm of my hand.

I closed my eyes tight preparing for impact.  Shots rang out.  I opened my eyes.  Jacob was in the doorway.  Two of the Barber’s men were on the floor, leaving Joe and the thug on top of me.  Joe let go of my arm, and I immediately clawed at the face of the thug who pinned me.

Joe ducked behind the bed while Jacob put two bullets into the thug.  His lifeless body collapse on top of me. 

“You just ended your life,” the Barber called out.  “I got an order from the council.  You are to cease all activity.”

“You talked to Rohanda then?”

“Yeah.”

Jacob fell to the ground and unloaded in gun underneath the bed.  ‘You’ve been warned then.” 

I clenched my eyes, hoping not to get shot. 

They stopped.  The bathroom door slammed.  Jacob shoved the dead body off of me.  He found his other gun that Joe had on the floor.  Pointing both at the bathroom door, Jacob yelled, “No foolin’.  I actually got summoned?”

Joe let out a soft “Yeah-” that was drowned out by Jacob’s gunfire.  We ran from the room not caring to confirm if Joe was dead.

Jacob and I just arrived at my house.  We are running in to find the coordinates.  All my memory is back, except for the day after Journal entry 10.

Journal Entry 14

Art by: Mark Kokopelli Watkins
Contact him for original Angel Hunter art or his other works
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http://www.artwanted.com/artist.cfm?ArtID=70733

It’s all getting too confusing.  The memories feel like they happened moments ago, while at the same time I know when they happened.  My brain is like a pile of twisted kite string.  I am afraid my judgment has been compromised, and I’m forced to trust Jacob.  I’ll have to push through so I can begin to make sense of all this.

After fleeing my house and catching a cab, I went back to the charm shop.  I had not yet known that Jacob was chasing me and that he was the one who was going to get me my memory back.  At the time, I had little memory of the events in the journal at all.  I had woken up with only the memories of losing my family and the other events not related to angels or Morning Stars.  I don’t think I would’ve run that morning and gone to the charm shop if Jacob hadn’t shown up.  I had serious doubts about needing the journal until that morning.

I couldn’t believe what I saw when I got to the address in the journal.  The building had been completely demolished.  I expected to find nothing, or maybe that it had been shot up with bullets and boarded up, or something, but instead only a crater remained… a dead end.

The taxi driver snarled, “Ten bucks, mac.”

“Keep the meter running.”  I didn’t know how I was going to pay.  My pockets were empty.  I was lucky that I had remembered my shoes.

I roamed the outside of the crater looking for something, but nothing was discernible.  There was no ash, just a pile of debris that was too small to be the remembrance of an entire building.  It was like something demolished the building and then removed most of the pieces. 

The same black man that I had seen at my house stepped out of a white BMW.  I got ready to run, but he shouted, “Chill, Drew!”  There was something about the way he said, “Drew.”  I remembered the only reference in the journal to someone calling me Drew.  No one else has ever called me that.  I waited. 

Jacob paid the cabbie.  “We need to get outta here.  The Morning Stars are keepin’ tabs on this place after what happened yesterday.  Come on.  It’s not safe here.  Your memory’s got holes.  We need to get you fixed up if we’re gonna save Avery.”  Jacob led me to his car.

I had nowhere else to go.  “I can’t remember yesterday, or you.” I was so confused.

“I know.  And I know how you can get it all back.  Runnin’ from me again would just make it take that much longer to find Avery.  We need to find her.”

I had no other place to go.  I had to follow what the journal told me to do.  I had to follow Jacob.  I got in his car.  As soon as we pulled away from the curb, Jacob lit up a joint as though it was a cigarette, calm and cool.  “I’m gonna hafta bring you in all the way.  See, angels erase your memory once you know they exist.  You have to lose your Watcher first. To find your daughter, we have to remove your Watcher, get your memory back, and get you to remember the GPS coordinates Jenna gave you.  I told you to write down the coordinates and stick them in a secret place and then not write it in your journal.  Just in case we needed them again.  Do you remember?”

“No.” I said as I eyed the door handle.  I wondered if I would be able to run after I hit the pavement.

     
Jacob stabbed me with what seemed like an EpiPen.  It clicked and I felt a needle go through my pant leg and into my thigh.    He was strong as an ox and held it in.  I froze for just a second and made a move to grab his hand.  He nailed the breaks and whipped out his piece pushing it into my face all the while keeping that joint securely between his lips.

“It’s easier this way.”  He took a long drag.  “You’ll be awake before you know it.  Just think of it as taking the red pill, but it ain’t something lame like a pill.  It’s a special mix of barbiturates.  You’re goin’ into a comma.  I’ll revive you as soon as your heart stops.”

I blacked out.  I had an amazing dream that I hope I never forget.  I was in our bed on a Sunday morning trapped between Heather and Avery.  Their combined heat radiated around me.  I was sweating, trapped uncomfortably between them as the warm morning sun heated the room.  I was so uncomfortable… and so happy.

I jerked awake.  ….and screamed.

“Easy Drew.”

Jacob was over me.  I was lying on the pavement of an empty parking lot.

“Let’s get you in the car.”  Jacob helped me.  “You smacked your head pretty hard with that last shock.” 

I looked around and saw some paddles like those you see on those TV doctor shows.  “What’re those?”

“A defibrillator.  Usually, the second injection brings you back, but your heart needed a little extra.  Just  relax.”

As soon as Jacob was driving down the street, he complemented me, “Good job takin’ it easy.  It’s important to stay calm afterwards.”

“Go fuck yourself.  Hey, next time you kill me, do you mind not getting high first.”

“Helps keep me focused.”

“I really don’t care.  Take me home.”

“You’re not thinking clearly.  We need you to get your memory back.  If we gonna do that, we got to get you to go see an angel.  If we gonna do that, we got to get rid of your Watcher.  See….. if your Guardian Angel knows you saw an angel, he’s gonna send Seraphim to erase your memory again.”

 “Are you going to explain what’s going on or is stabbing me going to be a daily thing?”

Jacob talked for a long time.  The way that I understand it is that Jacob is part of a group called the Moring Stars.  They go around answering prayers for people who need help.  He says that I’d be surprised to know how many people are really in need of help.  Society is not equipped to help people like me.  In fact, society rewards evil.  The Morning Stars work under the radar.  They don’t like to be noticed, especially by angels.  Angels don’t seem to like their work, but generally leave them alone as long as they don’t make a big deal out of it.  Typically, they keep their clients in the dark.  They let the angel erase their memory and go back to their normal lives.  In my case, Jacob believed he had no other choice if he’s going to help me find Avery.  It understood my need for closure, to find her myself.  But he’s paying for it now.  His gang doesn’t like it. They don’t like the fact that he attempted to use a jinni and got me involved.  They’re afraid more angels will get involved.  Jacob assured me that he will stop at nothing to find Avery.

At that moment in the car, I believed him.  I decided to follow him until the end.  The passion in his eyes.  He is either crazy or on the right track.  Now, it’s easier to follow him as my memories are returning.  But then, in the car…  I had nothing else to go on, but his passion.  Maybe it was the fact that he stabbed me and brought me back to life, but I really believed it was his honesty.  I have to find my little Avery.  I’ll do anything, and Jacob is my only chance right now.

Journal Entry 13

My memory finished.  I remember copying the GPS coordinates in my Garmin to the back of a cabinet door in the kitchen.  I cleared the history and then did the same to my computer.  I wrote entry 4 in my journal.  I don’t remember the coordinates. 

I called up Jacob on the portable cell he gave me.  “I know where the coordinates are.”

“Sit tight, Drew.”

Journal Entry 12

I’m staring out a window of a shady California motel room while munching on a feast of Doritos, peanut M&M’s, and soda.  All the rooms in this place open to the outside and are built in a horseshoe around an old pool filled with stagnate, green water.  For dessert, cigarettes.  My old brand.  The health of my lungs isn’t my top priority anymore.  Jacob’s gun lay next to the ashtray.  He dropped me off an hour ago, telling me to, “Hang low,” and call him if I get back any more memories.  The portable cell phone he gave me has one number in it- his. 

For reference, Jacob is short and stocky, not fat.  Very dark completed and bald.  I haven’t seen him without a hat yet, but it’s obvious that he’s bald.  His hat seems to always be different and perfectly matches his clothes.  He calls me Drew for some reason, but it’s a dead giveaway so I know it’s him when he does.  He also carries a gun like the one he gave me, except his reads, “Thou shalt not steal.”  Mine reads, “Thou shalt not kill.”

I still can’t figure out why he’s taken such an interest in me.  It seems like he’s helped thousands of people, but he says he never brings them into his world, gives them his personal gun, or is willing to be killed by his own gang.  Or maybe, he just likes to tick people off.  I think the truth is he get the job done at any cost.

I spent the first hour this morning running from Jacob.  When I realized I had lost more two days of my memory (only one recorded in the journal) and saw a black guy at my door, I took off running out the back door.  I figured it was another one of the Morning Star thugs from the Barber’s crew.  It sounds a little racist looking back, but I don’t really have any black friends.  Besides, I was right.  Jacob is a Morning Star.

I grabbed the journal and took off out the back door.  I live in a typical LA suburban cul-de-sac surrounded by a thin line of trees.  I figured the best way to lose him was to cut through the yards and then through the trees to the main road.  I ran frantically through my neighbors’ yards, faster than I realized I could.  When I got to the road, I was exhausted.  My thighs burned and my heard pounded.  I took a moment to catch my breath on the edge of the woods.  The ditch was high and I couldn’t be seen from the road.  I figured I’d wait until he left and then head for the police station in town.

“I should have grabbed my cell phone and called them,” I thought to myself, but then I realized the police might not be the best answer.  “They have people on the inside.” I remember reading that Jacob had his guys attack Jackson in prison.  That’s how he died.  “They could be at the police station waiting for me.”

I got light headed in the sun and sat down.  It was all too much to take.  My heart pounded so hard I could feel it coursing through my head.  I had nowhere to go, nowhere to turn.  “The charm shop,” popped into my mind.  I had to see if this was all real.  “Did I really get attacked there?”  I remember wanting to go there and find out what happened to me the first time, but had I really gone there?  All I had to go by was entry 10.  “Did I really see an angel in the desert?”  My own writing in entry 4 told me that I did, but I had no memory of it.  Maybe, I was forced to write a lie.   

I had to move on.  I walked along the tree line on what seemed to be a kid’s makeshift bike path.  The tree line was only two trees deep, but eventually it emptied into a small preserve that was more of a swampy water runoff for the homes in the area.  I had to cut up the ditch and cross the main road.  I made my way to a nearby drugstore and asked the cashier to call me a cab.  Using the address in the journal, I went to the charm shop.

…

Just got a memory back like Jacob said I would.  I remember the first time I met Jacob, the charm shop and going to the desert.  I recall my entire first memory gap. 

I remember Jacob handing me a gun when I left the charm shop.  I had not written it down.  I told him that I’d never shot a gun before.  He just smiled and said, “The witch is right.  I got to lead my crew away from you.  They won’t like us using Ms. Jenna’s services.  Angels are evil and so is this witch.  Use this to protect yourself against the angels.  It’ll stop them.  The words on the side are to remind you not to shoot people.  It ain’t killin’ if they’re not human.  I put the safety on the gun and brought it with me to the desert.  I drove slowly.  I didn’t want to be pulled over with a gun in the car. 

There’s more.  Jacob pulled me in close after he handed me the gun and whispered, “Write down the GPS coordinates and put them somewhere in your house.  Somewhere secret.  Don’t write it down in your journal.  Don’t write down our conversation.  And if you fail tomorrow.  Write down that you lost your only chance.”  I started to protest, but Jacob cut me off.  “You’re gonna have to figure out if you trust me Drew.  I can’t explain all this shit because the less you know the safer you are.”

Can’t remember the coordinates.  My memory stopped after I left the desert.  The cowboy told me, “Put that gun away, son,” after he killed the angel above the fire.  I dropped the gun without second thought.  The image of the angel consumed me.  It was beautiful young boy dressed in BC clothing.  Its face was calm, peaceful.  Its eyes started to open, but before they could, that cowboy shot it right between the eyes.  Yes, there are angels, and some are beautiful.    

I need to take a break to think.  I can’t believe I was that close to finding Avery.  I can’t stand this.  It’s like I just lost her again

Journal Entry 11

I woke up this morning just like every morning since I found this journal under my pillow.  I have a morning coffee, I reread it, I add to it, and I plan. 

This morning is different.  Something is off.  The earlier entries I have no memory of as I expect.  I lost my memory after entry 5.  I remember everything after entry 5, expect for entry 10.  I’m pretty sure my memory has been erased again.  I really can’t remember anything about the last entry.  I worked out a timeline.  It seems that I lost two days: Journal entry 10 and another day. 

This means I lost my memory twice.  The first time I have an account in the journal.  The second time I didn’t write down.  One things for sure.  I’m running out of time to find Avery.

I checked under my pillow, under my couch, and in my pots for the gun.  No gun.  I ran for my car. I needed air.  It was gone.  My car wasn’t in my driveway or my garage.

I have no lead, no gun, no car, and no memory… There’s a knock on the door.  I can see out the window it’s a black man.  I gotta get out of here….the back door…